Will my daughters wonder why they look different to their mummy?

I know kids are never going to be spitting images of their parents (well some are). For some reason, I always imagined our kids to be mini-mes. As my daughters are mixed-raced, I wonder if they will think about why we all look so different as a little family? Daddy is English-Brummy and Mummy’s family is from Mauritius. It’s an easy explanation but will our daughters get it?  So will my daughters question why they look different to mummy or the other way around?

If they don’t question it, others do…It’s happened a few times. Strangers have asked “Are those your kids?’. One of the best ones was when I was asked by another mum in the park “Is he your son?” about my two-year old daughter. At a baby yoga class with my first-born I was asked “Are you the baby’s mum?”  It was the first time I realised people may question if they’re my children. My heart sank. I’m not going to be asked this a lot am I? People are prompted by something to ask me these questions. I think it’s because me and my girls don’t obviously look like each other.

Do I look like mummy or daddy? When I’ve asked my four-year old daughter, do you look like Mummy or Daddy? She will often say Daddy. It makes sense as her skin tone is closer to Daddy’s. She also says they have the same arms. My skin colour will always be miles apart from my daughters’. I love how they’re starting to look more Mauritian when the sunshine comes out.

I know so many families where they all look so different. Many children don’t look exactly the same as their parents. They might have a completely different hair colour to both of their parents.

Things don’t have to match…Probably one of the best pieces of style advice I ever received from a colleague and good friend when I was modelling. She was talking about my outfit the day she met me. Years later I introduced her to Mr.H. She again said with a smile “you’re a good couple and remember things don’t have to match Sunita”.

I know people who look for and need uniformity in their life. Things need to be a certain way. For our little family, we’re living to a different mantra. We adapt and focus on different things. We know things change. It makes me love the diversity within our little family even more.

A real mix…I love it that are daughters are a real mix of me and Mr.H.  When I was pregnant the little thought of “what if the IVF ingredients have been mixed up?” did crop up. I think it’s a fear for anyone going through IVF. The chances of this happened are pretty rare though. Looking at my girls, I definitely know they’re half-me and half-Daddy. There’s no doubt about it.

You got the look…One thing I know is my girls have my expressions. Usually when they’re feeling a bit moody or unsure about something. They have their mummy’s frown. This will always make them look like their mummy.

Celebrating their difference…I want my daughters to grow up loving how they look, including  their background and ethnicities. I know there’s a lot to teach them about self-esteem and valuing what makes them different. I was reminded of this when I attended the #realbeauty self-esteem workshop at the blogger summit Mom2.0.

Yesterday a photo of me and my daughter’s feet appeared on Instagram. It  had a lovely response. I loved how different we looked. It also reminded me of the phrase we often heard in Thailand “same, same but different”. Me and my girls are the same in lots of ways but also different.

You just look like you…Most importantly, my girls look like themselves. Big Munch looks like Big Munch. Toddler Munch looks like Toddler Munch. It’s nice they look like each other. They have their own things going on. It’s not about looks but they have their own identity. Every kid will be unique and that’s the magical thing. None of us are the same. None of us are supposed to be.

What do you think? Do you think children notice if they don’t look like their parents? Do you look like your parents? Leave a comment below…

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5 thoughts on “Will my daughters wonder why they look different to their mummy?

  1. Arnebya says:

    People ALWAYS say my oldest daughter and I look just alike. I see it (in mannerisms as well), but it’s also off-putting. I know no one means to do it, but what it essentially does is erase HER identity/looks. Yes, we look alike, but when people go overboard, it’s bothersome. She’s her; I’m me. My middle daughter looks less like me and my son even less. All three have different complexions. It’s amazing. I try to focus on that more than who looks like whom. I like to point out that someone’s hair is different (and wonderful) and just talk about how it’s possible for two people to have children and each be and look so similar but vastly individual.

    • Sunita says:

      Thanks so much for taking the time to read this blog post. I’m sharing a bit of my heart here as it’s an important topic for me. I love your approach about celebrating difference and avoiding discussions about who looks like whom. I need to do more of what you do! Hope you enjoy Lucky Things xx Sunita

  2. Alicia says:

    Sunita I suppose I will have some of the same feelings when I have my little one, as they too will be mixed race! Xx Enjoyed this post. Alicia

    • Sunita says:

      Thanks so much for stopping by Alicia. Yes it’s a funny one. But amazing how kids just know you’re their parents. End of. Have a good week lovely X X

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